i'm thinking, reading back to what i wrote about wanting a reason to change the season...i've been bright and uncomplicated for a while now, and i know that emotional storms bleed the most creativity for me. i've told people that i suspect i've come to seattle to self-induce a depression. now that i'm on the eve of something that i feel strongly is coming in, something electrical (i see all the signs), i wonder if i'm really ready.

but then again, with most big things in life, you're never ready. you just look back and you say, "these are the things that happened." and you say it with whatever beliefs you've decided to accept things with that allow you to maintain who you are (or who you believe you are). there really are no right answers, only what you want to make of things. i think all big life changes are scary. fear of the unknown, fear of your untested capabilities, fear of your true hidden nature, yet a feeling of inevitability. but in a way, everything that happens is good for you. nothing good comes from spending a lifetime sitting in the same place, as the same person. acknowledge the fear, acknowledge your humanness, but walk into the next step with your eyes open.

i bought a really good bottle of port today and had a glass for the end of the evening (or the beginning of my night). to passionate storms and even more passionate words upon words. to love, fear, regret and redemption in past present and future. to you and me, and everything in between.

we'll get through this. there are smiles on the other side of the forest.