i'm probably just feeling lonelier than usual because i'm at my parents house so i'm not in my own domain, it's the holidays, and all these people who are interested in me that i'm meeting are interesting, but they just don't feel like anything i feel strongly about as being what i'm meant to be pursuing. like distractions, you know? i feel like i could chase them, but really, i should know better. so that just makes me more restless and aware that i'm still waiting.

i'm so aware that i'm either incredibly faithful to some unknown that i haven't seen but completely believe, or incredibly stupid for wasting my life away. only time will tell.