2009 retrospective

a transformational year--bigger, faster, stronger, wiser. the year i started glowing. celibacy and being devoutly single. personal power. the most magnetic year yet. stretching out my wings. getting serious. getting strong. bringing it up to the light then leaving the past behind. reaching out and touching people. my will becomes my way. training like a professional athlete. mornings in santa monica training with tyson chandler and kevin love. urth cafe and honey vanilla lattes. sunsets and strangers at the other room. abbott kinney and venice beach. medical marijuana. the brownie shaman giving out positive experiences. ballin' like a fiend. not good for a girl, but a good ball player. coach mike. ignoring the siren call and six packs of big, black bruthas. living in orlando. the aftermath of a break-up, like detoxing from a hard addiction. nightly dream invasions and finally...silence...the peace of a bond broken. sarah, jef, truth and killer, drumming in rock band. writing and gyming. girl bonding. 3rd party marriage therapy. please don't set me up on a date. dinner with adonal foyle who kept talking about sex. health scare with dad and an emergency plane ride home. father-daughter bonding. strawberries and dvds every night. childhood home packed in boxes and torn apart. dead mice and insects inside the walls carted off in the hundreds. finally, a home cleansed. 2 escapes to seattle for solitude. was good both trips. easy summertime in the city. sunsets, strangers, healing and magic. the missed connections guy. louca. the 47 year-old who wouldn't leave me alone. reconnecting with josh--7 Grand, a group of 1940's re-enactors, a couple of brownies and the awkward fear of looking each other too deeply in the eyes...a beautiful night, complications averted and the depths of a lifetime friendship take root. small birthday at home, opening up the back balcony--as cindy said, "most peaceful place in la." jason won't go home, staying until the sun rises but too passive to make a move. brian passed out in a little ball on the couch. good birthday. daisy's bachelorette. i prove i can get along with other girls and they can fall in love with me. some really, really want to kiss me. reggie bush, corey maggette and the kardashians at pure. who the fuck are the kardashians. red dress and dancing. a display of power over big, black men, who follow me through crowds because i told them to. i could have 'em if i wanted 'em, but in 2009, the year i realized i only want what's mine. this is a truth that holds power. stupid rob from santa barbara trying to cheat on his girlfriend. called out. the power of full moons...june, july, then august and ever after. the cruise to alaska. the beauty of meeting christian. time. magic. the dash. a newfound fountain of poetry and synchronicity bubbling up from a deep well through the surface of a cracked earth. the meanings of hello's and goodbyes. bonding with edison and jonathan. seattle opens up a portion of map now suddenly available. magic magic magic. 09-09-09 and i'm there. a wonderful journey with michael. amber and jason--a symbol of positive partnership. seattle in the light, seattle in the gray, seattle laying naked and bare in a deep blue night mindscape. music everywhere. the triple door--giant aquarium, green dragon, my fish friend. the men of seattle like moths to a flame...can't stay away from me but don't know what to make of me. lots of truth and connections. lots of truth in connections. but i won't give out my number because i'm committed to only wanting what's mine. the birth of elixr. running along the water. a different sunset every night. watching the boats come in. a surprise visitor. a journey of words without meaning. a journey of meaning without words. a silence that reaches out and touches itself at the other end of the ocean. next level achieved. solitude and a plunge into fall. red, gold, orange littering the sidewalks with gray skies and rain, singing, i'm kickin' through the autumn leaves and wondering where it is you might be going to. a torrential rainstorm, a problematic lavender dress and a beautiful wedding. basketball with steve and a near dislocated jaw. joining a women's team and regressing back to high school. my first screenwriting contest in years. a determination to succeed. halloween in my pajamas. bonding with ching-wen. she's the closest thing i have to a sister by blood. sweet sebastian. bad shoulder needs surgery. i put it off. thanksgiving turkey. rie, eric and seigo move to berkeley and closer than ever now. a realization that i want to be in san francisco soon. josh's fiance is uber-threatened by me, but i am determined to be above it and make it work--his friendship means too much. pretending to not notice the digs and being nice, and one day, she lays down the sword and makes a genuine effort to bridge. joining his lunchtime basketball game. meeting shane. my need to hunt overwhelming now. eyeing him like a big cat eyeing a gazelle, while simultaneously being eyed by a prowling panther with dragon tattoos. no good, no good. it's the jungle now. warriors games and mikki moore. a new t-shirt slogan. december comes on like a sleet storm, thundering train. the end of team bj, the formidable duo of brian and julia. the end of an era. giving up los angeles. a sad, sad goodbye to bring on a sooner hello. december ends politely with a neatly-made bed and a thank you note.

2009--a big year.
the dream of a butterfly that could possibly be real.
transformational, meditative, a patient year with glimpses of magic

i am thankful for 2009, the people, places and experiences that taught me, tested me, nurtured me, enriched me and brought me closer to myself and where i'm going. an 11 year ending with a full moon on a 9 day. beautiful and poetic. i'm sad to see it go, and i look forward to the new challenges and experiences of 2010.

and to the familiar faces within strangers i am soon to meet, i look forward to those days when we meet again.

happy new year, everyone. have a blessed 2010.