first of all (yes, here i go with my love of listing)

i hate having to capitalize letters. it's like making me put pants on after a summer of running around in shorts and skirts.

second of all

this freakin' cruise story's like the longest story i've concentrated on in my life, i think. this is completely unprecedented. well, maybe except in the 4th grade, when i wrote this like 25 page poem about this bus driver i hated. oooooh, so passive-aggressive, that one there sitting in the back of the bus writing..........

lastly,

today, was ridiculously beautiful in la. i mean, sunshine coming out of my pores, beautiful. i walked into the gym and everyone turned and stared. these are some big black guys. who are college and professional athletes. with their shirts off. and i don't think they can collectively believe that i'm a woman walking in here, and i'm just so happy being myself that i haven't noticed them, outside of their being an interesting part of the background in this current "scene" of my life.

these guys wanted to play 3's again. they had a new guy and they were telling them how i killed them a few weeks ago. the guy was like, really?, like he was open to it, so i scored the first two baskets (though I was 2-5 so i did miss some shots), but to be honest, the game has become much easier for me. things don't move as quickly anymore, so it's like, instead of having to work harder to speed up, i get myself to perceive the game as being slowed down.

that has always been a theory of mine, that great athletes actually perceive time as being slower, which is why we perceive them as being faster.

i also suspect, it's my perception of time that makes it so sometimes people say i disappear and reappear so suddenly, and why sometimes i can be in a room with someone and they don't notice me. it's all about perception. between another person and yours.

drills were hard at first, but then when i asked for a challenging shooting drill, my coach didn't think i could make it through it. so then i really wanted to, and ended up doing really well. the funny thing was, the whole time i was wondering what i was going to write today, so i wasn't really paying attention. maybe that helped. the last shot was so smooth i already had my arms up in victory before it went in.

my coach came up and said i was done for the day. and that some men get paid a lot of money professionally, and they can't finish the drill.

i know for a fact, i am the coolest girl he's ever met.

went to urth cafe. got the usual. good god that coffee is an addiction. this is usually where i go in after training to read and write, but i had work to do on the computer at home. i hate putting coffee in a paper cup. if beer in a bottle is like beer in a coffin, then coffee in a paper cup is like coffee thrown into a sack like a stray cat and thrown into a river.

coffee should be slowly enjoyed on a cool, clear day with amazing company.

not this bullshit.

but at least urth does serve in ceramic cups if you stay, so that's why they've got my loyalty.

i was very friendly. all of my toes cramped up at the same time. that was very unusual. i had to stretch in line.

took the best open car drive home. singing. dancing. i got nuthin' to worry about. got home. procrastinated. blogging about everything that was not supposed to be what i was blogging about. then finally finished the thing i'd been working on. at least, just the part i've been working on.

watched the sunset. for a brief few minutes, the sky goes lavender and i have to say that's my current favorite shade of color. oh, i love anything lavender. i still have dreams about that honey lavender ice cream in seattle.

i'm thinking about seattle again. the future location of the julia writing cave. where i go when i've disappeared. but first, i have to establish something there. i have to find a way to monetize the location and plan to secondarily establish. i feel like i can do step one, the rest will fall into place. i guess the first step is often a leap of faith.

a new thought today...

how to globalize my reality.

i have been fixed for a very long time, though i would travel, but only for short blips. then last year, i went to amsterdam and now i had a separate reality. but it was polarized between old and current, not an extension of my home.

if i could find a place in my life where it's easy for me to get around most of the globe, have a reason and means to do this travel and extend my life into various locations, i would have ultimate freedom. i would have a purpose on a larger scale, establish wider branching roots covering various locations, communities and people, and ultimately, open my search and ability to be with the one i want to be with.

i've realized i've got to think bigger, to not underestimate my ability of projection and attraction, to think of a new way to grow my life path and awareness.

the first though, is to always know what you want. maybe not the exact thing, but a general idea and direction that you faithfully believe in. then you always have one thing that you have absolute conviction is real, something that always gives you direction when you are amidst the challenges of your journey.