got the news today...candice is pregnant! due jan. 20th. very exciting. am going to try to head back up to san francisco next month to see them. would like to make a stop in seattle as well if i'm going to be traveling.

the salmon i caught in alaska arrived today. damn, that's a lot of salmon.

had lunch at a restaurant overlooking the beach with b, jason and amber, then took a walk on the sand. the weather today is incredible, the entire world feels bigger. saw a little boy with no pants on playing in the sand. how did he lose his pants? his parents are bad supervisors.

b, jason and amber are heading to the lyle lovett concert tonight. i was thinking about going down to venice for first friday (the first friday of every month, the art galleries on abbott kinney, this really cool street off of venice beach, opens their doors late night and it's like this giant street party). this would be almost the one month anniversary of that crazy night with the hipster and the missed connections guy, that unusual week that happened during the last full moon. i almost feel like everything that happened on the cruise was the culmination of what that week had been pointing me towards, giving me clues so i would recognize what i needed to recognize when i found it. so in a way, it doesn't surprise me that i see such a correlation between last month's full moon events and inspiration, and this month's floodgates opening.

when i reread what i was writing over that period of time, i feel like a deep, psychic part of me knew what was coming up, but needed to prepare my mind, psyche, spirit for it. maybe put myself in the right philosophical mindset, because all these ideas and convictions i was expounding about then, i'm being forced to stand by, and if i hadn't written them down with such conviction, this week's test would not have been so difficult yet so important. i needed to prove that my integrity and honor are not easy words, but true core facets of who i am.

b has bought push-up handles and had been texting about a push-up contest while i was away. he just made me do push-ups. so folks, if you want to join the contest, i've set the bar. the number to beat is:

2

:D

spirits are high. heart is mending. trying to stay focused on just getting where i'm going, and setting the right direction to put future julia in the best position possible for happiness.

i disown what i said about how i think i will never be happy. i think i just never believed i can have both inspiration and happiness in my life, that i would have to choose. fuck compromising. a person should only compromise when they're faced with a situation requiring compromise. but to set out on a journey with a compromised goal is unforgivable. i'm going to go for the gold. ultimate fulfillment. and if i fall short, that's okay, i'll always know i tried and didn't sell myself short. but if i don't fall short, then you know what, i got exactly what it was i hoped for and deserved.

if i want to be with someone who can be happy being with me because he's confident enough in accepting me as his first choice, then i have to be the same kind of person who feels i deserve my first choice as well. i can not settle for second choices, while expecting others to see me as a first. i need to be okay with feeling i deserve exactly what i want most, because i am the only one who tells the world what it is i deserve.