i'm going to write the final chapter of the cruise story when i get back to la. seems fitting.

in the meantime, here's a stream for you, on my personal dime. this is me at play.

when you can't sleep, your mind processes reawakening in a very fragmented way. you suddenly find yourself in a moment of the space between, when you don't know who you are, where you are, how you got here. and suddenly, there's an idea, something familiar, that roots you back into reality.

so my question. synchronicity or coincidence:

in my downward sleep cycle when i thought my mind had completely taken over, i was awakened twice in a row by an unexpected kiss.

once on the plane home off of 2 hours of sleep, i was in a fragmented dream world when i suddenly became aware that i was being wetly kissed on the chin, suddenly finding myself back on the plane with my 4 year-old cousin on my lap. it was sweet and unexpected, putting me momentarily between worlds. it made me believe in a sweet, innocent world.

the next, i'd arrived home and michael and my dad were so happy to see us. they had such good energy, they must have had a really bonding father-son weekend together. my dad asked my mom how the cruise was. i popped in my earphones and listened to paranoid android. letting her tell her story.

we were on the bridge by the time i took my earphones out. i'd been watching the water fly by through the window, alternating streaks of grays and blues. everyone sooner or later became aware i was back in the room.

mom: julia was very popular.
dad: yeah?
mom: we were having drinks and the chef sent us drinks, then a bottle of wine at dinner.
dad: really.
julia: he's a jamaican guy in his 40's. i think he just really liked the song i chose.
mom: but he's part chinese.

we got home and i'm like staggering. if people really knew how tired i was, they would be amazed that i'm not in a coma. but this kind of strength is easy for me, when i feel what i'm doing means something.

i wanted to keep writing, get it all down before it faded, but it's really hard for me to write in the day and trust i won't take the soul out of writing. but i wanted to try. michael offered to buy me coffee and have his ride bring it back for me. it was amazingly conscious and sweet. i wrote down what i wanted, and sure enough, jan walks in with my coffee. but iced, not hot like i ordered. michael's personal touch. once i saw it, i realized i actually preferred it iced.

started writing, wondered if i would be more efficient if i tried to get a little bit of sleep. i really prefer nighttime. went to bed, and forced myself to drift off into a meditational state, that dropped off into sleep. woke up not knowing who the hell just kissed me on my cheek. looked around the room for other people, because i just came from a world where a lot of kids were running around. realized, who else would it be but michael.

i'm going to get my new iphone, he said. he was giddy with happiness. pure love.

i'm assuming this is where the idea of kisses from princes waking up princesses became so magical. it pulls them out of a completely disordered or blank world.

went to the gym today. andrew seemed almost afraid to hug me. or too distracted. had no energy at all because i completely had no desire to eat yesterday. i'm telling everyone i forgot but i didn't. my mind is so magnetized it's completely running the ship here.

i'm itching to talk about all the synchronicities i experienced this week. there were so many, their occurrences started becoming a bit of a caricature of themselves. and all the while, i feel like because i can see them and they're tickling me silly, i must be the sanest person in this place because i'm watching the magic as it happens. unless other people saw them, too. then it means there really are others like me.